you are not here
you never are
you haven't been for a long time
and you never will be again
yet...
after every triumph,
every heartbreak,
every joy,
every time it all falls down,
i want you to be there
to talk to
to be there for me
after so many years
you think it would stop
you think you'd learn
that you can't
but no
i still want your advice
i still want your reassurance
because you were the only one
never to lie to me
never to leave me holding my heart
still beating in my hand.
you stood back
ready to step in
to guide without my knowledge
and if i tripped
if i stumbled
if i veered off-path
you helped me out
brought me back
righted my ship
someday i'll remember
for now...
its a welcome escape
to memories...
but as i stand,
in the ruins of my own making
i find the cycle begin again