a Girl's Tears - 1997

This is another piece I wrote when I was 17. Its another emotionally raw excerpt. And I carry the same sentiment about this as I do with the other post of "a Girl's Tears - 1996."

This again comes from words being used in a way so unfair. i never will understand why the path carried on as it did. but i have the strength with me to this day to carry me through regardless.

______________________________________

2-18-1997

i can't stand to be here
all we do is fight
i can't stand the sight of you
you make me sick
all you do is bitch
i do what you ask
its never enough
i do all the extras
and you can't notice
i stay up at night
because i can't sleep
until exhaustion sets in
i cry until dawn
you look at me with disgust
I'll go about my business
try & stay out of your way
not aggravating the situation
to make the next day bearable
i walk on pins and needles
careful, ever careful.
if you should break
i'll run so fast
you love to see me in pain
why do you do this?
your eyes pierce my soul
you look at me with such vengeance
i ask you why
a tear drops from my eye
you caused me such pain
you don't even care
continuing to speak in vain
slinging blame on everyone else
tell me i'm no good
i stand up to you this once
i know that i should
i can't believe i'm taking the chance
to stand against you
my ultimate fear
is being revealed before my very eyes
another tear, then another
you come at me
with the only intent of hurt
i quickly regret
i've turned you against me
i need to run
but can't
frozen in the moment
never should feel this way
not when I just want to make you happy
to please you
to make you proud
but you're jealous of me

why?

caught in the midst of a world following your rules
your  universe that i've somehow tainted
too much weight placed on me
for things i don't comprehend nor understand
egg shells crunch beneath my feet
i will continue to try
to make you see me
for who i am
for who i want to be
someday you'll claim the victory
of all my accomplishments
stating it was all you
but i know in my very soul
it was all me
forced into adulthood
hiding away the youthful fancy
so you cannot break me.