whats it like to embark on your adventure
where do you want to go?
where will it actually take you?
are you willing to let it whisk you away?
are you willing to be completely present?
to just experience whats in store?
will you relish every moment you're graced with?
you may have reservations
you may even be scared
in the end when you look back
what will you have learned?
will you have grown?
will you have worked through something?
will you have overcome it?
will you have challenged yourself?
taken yourself out of your comfort zone?
whatever the road it takes you on
be present
be open
enjoy it
you have earned it
it may not be what we wanted
or what we planned on
but its what we need right here & now
no questions
not anymore
just embrace it
and embrace those around you
who you find along side of you
helping you find your way along this journey
and laughing with you as you may stumble
crying with you as you may face your fears
holding you back when you're about to lose control
letting you step forward when your ready to do whats needed
catching you if you fall
hearing your thoughts
consoling your fears
making you smile
when you didn't think you had another one left
you are never alone
someone is thinking of you
someone is cheering for you
someone loves you
someone waits to see you smile
someone longs to hold you close
someone is ready to be by your side
someone isn't afraid
someone is strong for you
and patiently waits

powerless

what do you do when you are powerless
when you have no control
when your only choice is to stand back
observe quietly, never react

she doesn't get it
she doesn't see
she's asking so much
i already watched one of you
feel like alex with my eyes held open

silence is the only way
but at what cost
its leaving me cold
its leaving me sad
but when i challenge reality
then its gone
the warmth
the loving comments
the laughter
replaced with the snipes
the scratches
the distaste

how can you be two different people
i should know the answer to this one
and
i do...
but
i just thought....
i just hoped
i needed to believe
i want to

but you've changed me
and i don't know how to let go
i can't leave you to do this alone

bound to be the best i can to you
i'll heal myself later
for now i savor the good stuff
and tolerate the bad
because ultimately i can't change
who you are to me
but i can still hope
i enjoy whatever time i have

rollercoaster

we will walk away changed
forever rewritten
feeling exhilerated
happy
it was worth the wait
the thrill of the highs
the butterflies from the lows
hear the creeking
tempting fate
will it make it
here comes the big drop
suddenly breatheless
don't close your eyes
its going to be great
in a flash its over
the car slows down
pulls back into the gate
we step off the ride
no one can take the memory
nor the lasting smile

10-22

(it was written in approximately 2004)


Losing yourself in the chaos
Easier than having to face it
Realizing things which are...painful
Knowing what you have to do
But not too sure if you are ready
Smiles on the surface
Confusion lays beneath
Itching, scratching...trying to break through
Sorting through it all
Clarity seems out of reach 
What seems attainable right now
The path to choose is uncertain
Everything hanging in the balance

Now there is quiet...

Now there is peace...

but its only the silence
before the storm.

standing alone...

theres so much fire...smoke.

smolders, ruin...total destruction

a breeze rolls past

sending a chill down the spine

the air is thick

a bitter, rancid scent

knowing very well, you may be the last.

disoriented.

confused.

alone.

beginning to hear something from a distance

far...far away

you hold still...just to be sure

trying to be patient

needing it to be real

open your eyes

see it standing there

just a few blocks away

stepping into the sun

its full horror reveled

but you will not run

you will not retreat

no matter the risk

there will be no defeat

Breathless

Staring down at the sand
     Lost in the moment
Salty air surrounds me
     Thoughts not so clear
Feeling you behind me
     Craving your warmth
Only knowing the cold
     Surf encircles my feet
Sinking into the sand
     Lost in my thoughts
Your smell is in the air
     Reaching out to touch you
But you have gone...
     As the water fades...
The wind comes to rest...
     Your smell leaves me....
I pull away from the dream...
     Breathless

(10-22-2003)

picturesque

the beauty radiates from everything. 

it surrounds me everywhere. 

calming my spirits and easing my mind. 

so peaceful and serene. 

the water is smooth like glass. 

reflecting the mountains and sky. 

simply picturesque

8/07/2005

Everyone will be here.
We've all made the trip
Gone the distance
To join in it all
To finally see this place
Opens my eyes to a whole new beauty
It almost saddens me
that I never took the trip before
But I've made it now
Sharing it with you all
It makes me happy.l
Seeing everyone together
The familiar mixed with the new
All the stories that'll be shared
And all the new ones to take place...
It'll be an experience I'll never forget
Nor would I want to!
A friend can open your eyes to such wonderful things
Only the true friends can help you experience them to the fullest potential

i'll be me

you reach a point in your life, where you just don't care anymore
you don't care what people think of you, say about you - none of it
and it is one of the most liberating feelings I have come to know
i answer to myself
i can look myself in the mirror at the end of the day
and meet my own eyes
face myself
be myself
its so lovely
no matter the hurt
no matter the pain
no matter the sorrow
there is laughter to brighten the day
there are friends who will always be thinking of you
the very same friends who really are family
and there is always your family
reminding you where you came from
and how far you've grown
the hardest thing to do is put yourself out there
its a huge step to take
but once its done, the rest moves so easily
its just getting the guts to do it & take the first step
i will always have hope in my heart
i will always find ways to make those close to me smile
life is too short not to
its too short not to celebrate each other
to be present for every moment
don't check out
no matter how much you want to
its not the easier route
you're prolonging what you'll eventually have to face
just be you
i'll be me
and at the end of the day
when you know in your heart you're okay with every decision you've made
you'll rest easy

OG!

a frog

on a log

by a bog

in the fog

took a poise

made a noise

to let his boys

know  it's  him

began singing a hymn

while  sippin'  on  gin

amongst  all   the  frogs

on logs

near bogs

in the fog

One day a man was walking
While he was walking he began talking
Talking to whom...no one...just himself
Then a woman walked by and laughed
Laughing at the man, but now also herself
So she turned and began walking with him
They walked about and they sang a hymn
To no one but themselves
And soon befell a group of elves
Who were all laughing most hysterical
Some in tears from laughing so gayly
While others only laughed with a chuckle
One little elf even burst his buckle!
So all were happy and gay
to have the man and woman join in on this day
And now can be found
Where there is much sound
Of laughing and joke-telling
With everyone there with a stitch in their belly
From all the laughing that goes on
Day to day from now, to the beyond

unrehearsed

the light flashes in between
like echoing calls between friends
a playful dance unfolding
        unrehearsed
i am captivated
the simplicity of its beauty
i stare - taking it in
below the twinkle of city lights
high above it
feels as if we stroll past
i've stolen a chance to see this
enjoying the conversation
as we slowly pull past
leaving it behind - it still goes on
the echoes carry on
performing a dance for those below
enchanting at least one,
i can only hope another is,
captivated by their beauty
as my breathe is stolen
replaced with a memory
blessed with a gift

you were there
but how did you know?
where this is?
how did you find your way?
like the white rabbit tempts alice...
we're curious which choice she'll make
the cake to grow taller
or the cake to shrink!?

12-14-11

how long have i chosen to bear it all
its been so long the lines have blurred
between her world i've never understood
and a world i want so badly to find peace in
gracefully my dreams bring me escape
where there is calm

i open my eyes to find

salty mist is rolling over my feet
i breathe in the air tasting the brine
the warmth of the sun against my neck
i kneel in the sand
drift my fingertips over the surf
there's only the sound of water
rushing all around me
and for only a moment...

i found peace

.

3 Limericks - 1996

english assignment - junior year of high school.

____________________

There once was a guy named Ben
Who owned a cute little hen
One day he sat on her
Which made her holler
So the hen ran away a Wren


A whale is a big old thing
Which hurts my ears when it sings
It's so high pitched
It makes me itch
So I went and bought it some earrings


Eating cheetos may well suffice you
Or burritos may actually entice you
Curds and whey
I eat all day
Spending the night in the bathroom

For Todd & Kate

On the day Todd & Kate were married, i chose to use my words again as an extra gift. i was so happy to be there for their beautiful day at the foot of the Grand Tetons. Simply a day I won't easily forget.
__________________________

As each path in our lives is chosen
One can hardly tell what lies ahead
No matter what we have planned or desire
Things will turn out how they must
Never before have I encountered,
A couple so perfectly matched
As the days turn into weeks
Weeks into months
And months into years
May laughter continue to grace you with its presence
May the tough times turn into fruitful knowledge
And may you always have the beautiful places to escape to together
Either through vivid memories
Or taking in yet another undiscovered landscape
Enjoy your lives together
As we will all enjoy watching you discover it all.

August, 11th, 2005

A gift - 8/16/2003

This is one of the favorite things I have ever written. I wrote it as a gift for my father's birthday in 2003. I wanted so badly to let him know I felt so thankful. I was almost done with school, getting the big job and he's my world...he's my best friend. i knew this would be my last birthday with him since he was ill. no gift could cut it...so it was words instead. and I'm happy to say, he told me it was his favorite gift he ever received from his favorite daughter.

__________________________________

You are my strength

        As I am your strength

You are my rock

        From which I step into the journey of my life

You surround me with love

        As I surround you with love

In our weakest hour

        We won't be alone

In our strongest, bravest hour

        We'll be able to shine

You've helped make me who I am

        And I've helped you become you

As I am pieces of you

        You are my foundation

I love you dad

8/16/2003

love you bestest big guy...

words....
so many words....
so many ways to make you smile
to know how much i care
to know how much i miss you to know you're so very important to me
but you're not hearing my words
how can i get through?
a lack of them should suffice
silence for time of reflection
so i can recall all of the words i've heard over the years
how some words inspired me to try for more
how some made me realize how important i am to you
and others that i will never forget
because of how spectacular they made me feel
i only wish to use my words to bring happiness
to share what i hold to be truths
to recognize those most important to me
because we only have so much time...
until you're gone.
and i can't talk to you anymore
and i no longer hear your words
now I only have memories
as whispers in my dreams
i need your wisdom
i need your advice
i need the verbal swift kick only you could give!
you kept me honest
you saw through all the words daddy
you knew me.
i am so thankful...
even if our words are no longer in person...
they still come through...

12-12-2011

Something that came to mind yesterday & I dropped it on my Facebook status...

________

you stand there looking down on me...
judging me...
wishing for me to fail...
but i won't do it.
i won't give you the satisfaction.
when i have nothing left to give...
i will find more.
i will walk tall with you my friend...
because you always push me to do more...
to be more....
and for that...i knew how to have more to draw from...
and you will stand back and see
a brilliant sight

you will be proud of me
as the ocean washes over the past
melding it all like a dream...
a breeze brings the smell of salt.
relax...
and realize...

you've come full circle,
back to the place you tried so hard to leave,
but now you're stronger.
now you're.......you.

and you smile.

so...i need to write
its something i love to do. its what i'll do in this blog...
so enjoy. read, don't read, share, move on.
react or don't.
i'm simply giving a venue to whats in my head.
sometime i may add things from a long time ago
it all brought me to where i am now
who i am now