an evening walk

walking in shadow
cast by darkest night
i turn around to face you
while stepping into the light
i find myself standing alone
no more the sounds of footsteps echo
which were dancing between walls a moment ago
i stand erect, turn around and continue on my path
taking long strides through the moon lit night
feeling the warmth of light deep within
the guiding grace of assured step
a smile spreads across my face
there it is, melodic notes
deliver into my ears
unveiling a path
in minds eye
guiding me to a dance
of light and magic
joy and delight
a weight lifted
a dream answered
all smiles in warm tones
a feeling of home.

reborn, intensely anew
one earned by enduring separation
being torn apart by some long distance
whether philisophical or atroscities tendered
there will come something else in which will remain
something which will fill in between the lines of unsaid words
it is devoid of anything of tangible substance to us
but safe within lay a place of collections
of things gathered and stowed
stored and hidden
stacked and stored
with all keys thrown away
deep within vaults will be built
around each threads root
tied to each piece
it is my duty
to love
to be present
in everyday moments
standing strong
sure and secure of self
of you, of everyone around me
we cannot know how alone someone is
even when we stand in crowds
but someone somewhere
needs a smile
needs love
it is not charity
it is kindness
aren't we all apart of it?
of humankind?
human kind.
kind human.
human.

human to human.
thats what i'll be.
at least i'll try
because there it is again...
i'm human
and humans make mistakes
humans can learn from our mistakes
so can we?
will we?
the only way
is not an easy way
it means facing things
things we do not wish to face
this will not be the most difficult
for what your mission will be is far more
challenging you to face it down and learn to forgive
forgive all of those things which have rooted
in negative ways within ourselves
taken hold and bitten into bone
release whatever binds you
and finally release it
forgive and let go
forgive
let go.

move on
pay it forward
move forward and face everyday
with grace and strength and courage
remembering to be human, while figuring out what that is
realizing we truly are not alone we can stand together
no matter how much time has passed this is true
we are all human beings here together
the rewards for helping others
before ourselves
are divine...


__________________
in the words of a poet: 

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” 

       Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
       English poet 

 

(untitled)

everything bleeds pain
loss
deep deep loss.
there has to be meaning
there has to be a reason
cut to the core
to stunned to speak
to think
to eat.
what have we become
what could have prevented
the loss
the torment
the motivations
the blind asinine reasons
so much hurt
so much pain

speechless

there is nothing that can really put into words what this all feels like

surreal

but what can i do?


 
i will smile when i see another person
i will acknowledge and try to treat others the way i hope to be treated
i will move forward
i will pay it forward
i will kill it with kindness
i will try to exercise empathy in my everyday life
regardless of where i am inside
i will do my best

so that all of those beautiful smiling faces will continue to smile....through me. through my smile, I will honor all of those taken far too soon.

i will show love and hope
peace and respect
human to human

(i wish to extend my sympathy to those affected by events today in Connecticut. in my thoughts and prayers..) 

for my mom's 70th...

Seventy birthdays with many more to come
Every birthday celebrated with love & laughter
Very soon friends gather to join in the joy
Extending their birthday wishes to you
Naturally, you'll light the room with your smile
Together, we will celebrate a milestone! the BIG 7-0!
You light up my life & I'm thankful for you.

Happy Birthday

______________

I made a birthday card this year & this is what I wrote inside to commemorate the milestone birthday my mom just celebrated.
I went the cheesey-route & made it spell out seventy at the start of the sentences.  My mom didn't realize it at first that I made it for her. So, I guess it was convincing enough of a saying inside for her! ;)

willing to fight

lyrics from ani difranco's song willing to fight

tell me whose your boogeyman
thats who i will be...
you don't have to like me for who i am
but we'll see what your made of by what you make of me
i think its absurd that you think that I'm the derelict daughter
 you know i fight fire with words
words are hotter than flame
words are wetter than water...

_________________

thoughts off this...
there are times when lyrics from a song put into words what we are feeling.  they seem to capture the emotion, the intent, the raw moment etched in time in our minds.

hearing these lyrics, like I have many times before...this verse always has a way of making my mind wander to the place thats bothering me in my life. as the words drift out on their melodric trip into my creative space, a door opens within the subconscious & welcomes me in.
it is time to face what i don't want to. but i will do it for the one, the one who needs me to be the boogeyman. i will sacrifice all for you...

i enjoy how this addresses what I've explored a few times within my blog...the effect words have. in our day to day lives...how they can cut to the core or bring the most fantastic of moments forever blazing within our hearts. They can make our hearts smile or cause the tears to flow.

songs can carry us back to moments in time
they can help fix a memory, providing the soundtrack to recollection for years to come
they express our emotions
our desires, hopes & dreams
our failures, losses & all those things we've lost along the way
they get us new jobs
they get us into colleges
they may bring love before us after writing a love letter
words are present all the time....

some day may it be that the words we use, only share love, hope & peace...paying it forward. so there will be no need to fight fire with fire in the form of hurtful words. sometimes strung together in blind rage, or in hope to put another in place.

let us use our words to bring grace and charm to our everyday lives. for if we are able to bring one smile to another human's face by a simple compliment....the ripples that extend outward could set in motion a better perspective of ourselves & others from within moving out. at least one can hope :)

________________

if you'd like to hear the full song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aHmq1U6lRs&feature=share&list=PLC4F752BD2CE7B28A

   

judgements

judgements raining down
who is right or wrong?
when it comes to opinions...
without facts,
there's too many shades of grey.
stand firm
stay true to self
annihilate doubts
cast by stones
etched with words
of your judgement
in the end
I don't care
I can't care
not anymore
spent too much time
trying to appease
when its relentless
a neverending cycle
nevermore
leaves me sick
leaves me feeling inadequate
you have no right
I am still me
and I'm happy
living within my skin
are you?
is that why?
do you feel better?
when tearing open my faults?
you feel justified
because I don't conform
to your definitions
but I align with my own
so ultimately...
too bad for you.
simple as that.
I no longer wish to be judged
I wish to live
judgement free
without your rules & definitions
I don't answer to you
not in the end.
no matter what one may believe
we answer to a higher power
whether to ourselves
or something greater;
it leaves no room
for others to pretend
they have any authority.
your judgements tried to take root
infect and corrupt
shake my foundation
instead I will cough it out
expel it!
get rid of it!
bury it!
& dance on its grave.
you have no power over me.

In love with Fall

bitter cold outside
wrap around tighter
shivering through
chattering teeth
lips blue
frosty nose
red as a reindeer's
tis the season
for the freezin
time to cozy
in blankets
by a crackling fire
roasted marshmallows
melting chocolate
crunching between grahams
smile spreading
intoxicating aroma
of crisped mallow
mixed with wood smoke
wafts of cider
reminding of warm
delicious liquid
melting from inside out
nestled in
feeling drousy
loving fall...

regrets

i find myself standing in a sea of regrets
how did i get here?
why!?
because i was afraid
because i was weak
cannot bare to face it
but in turn i've lost everything
the chance is gone
collecting dust in the past
what is there to show?
regrets.

i swore i would never allow it
never allow another regret to take hold
but there the little bastard is
gleaming black eyes
daring me to try
to make it right
to irradicate it
but can i?
will i?
fear of judgement?
or fear of acceptance?

whats there to lose
when i've already lost everything?
when the one thing i wanted
is gone
forever residing
in the lost-n-found for the universe
nestled nearby those things never spoken
can i look into the mirror
be proud of what i didn't do?
be proud of whats in the past?
of whats left?

broken pieces remind me
of where it used to be
deep within protected
incomplete and haggard
war-torn without fighting a battle
lined up behind all the rest
never again
well...as they say...
never say never
go choke on the cliche.
frustrated as hell at myself
could everything have been different?
there's no way to know
when i fall into shadow
take the out
walk the plank
rather than fight for it
how can i have the epic movie ending?
if i never take a risk

silently shouting until the cords are raw
drawing blood, a brilliant ribbon of crimson
the meat that remains is scar tissue
forming around the regrets
that have found their home
their new residence
in the hollows within
surrounded by the pieces
each tied to a time
when i let me get the better of me
i let me lose
i let me....

regret.
  

Stars

A lifetime spent under the stars
Laid in the grasses of the past
Staring up at the twinkling canvas
Slight variations etched into memory
Moments captured with the starry night in the background

The midnight air all around
Enchanting the surreal experience of seeing how many stars there really are
But alas, it still isn't all
The naked eye can only see so much
We can try to count them

When there are clouds dancing effortlessly in front
Masking out parts of a known constellation
The conversation finds itself effortlessly ebbing and flowing in time
Soft giggle from the nervous current of energy from within
Temporarily quelled and pacified

Only the stars can see the truth
Carefully cataloged in their legacy
As the permanent fixture through the ages
Granting a marvel forever to be thought over
Provoking the genius within to challenge the known definitions

Expand our knowledge
Evoke the dreams
Explore desires
Encourage the unknown to be defined
Excited as the constellations reveal tendrils of a story
Enriched because you know more details lie beneath

Everyone has their versions of the story
Their facets only to be shared in time
The truth remains guarded
Protected
Each of us holding a key
Finding the match is the only way to the truth
For with it can one truth be revealed
Dare to hold a breathe in wait
Until the time comes
When we dare to speak of what lies beneath
The stars of night
Under the safe haven in the dark
Illuminated by Stars
  
  

0001

soft steps through the mist
salty brine kissed off the lips
as i come over the horizon
her fair skin reveals itself
in the shimmery shards of light
cascading in ripples across
blurring edges between sand and limb
nevermore her laughter
nevermore her breathe drawn in
i still my steps
observe and take stock
i memorize the landscape
every turn in the glen
trees, foilage and stone
perfect picture etched in my mind
now is the time to learn of the befallen
to give voice to the one
seek justice with conviction
nearing obsession
annihilate the wrong doers
balance the tallies
hashed on the wall
tenured close to even

set adrift of memory bliss

set adrift on memory bliss of you...      PM Dawn. lyrical genuises...inspired me...

what should be set adrift
a blissful memory
a hearts whisper
finger trembles
eyes glisten
holding breathe
shaking

let it go
let it drift
bliss

enchanted, captured
a moment in time
a new beginning
or sorrowful end
of time lost forever
fight to gain perspective

subterranean by design
layers upon layers
depths unmeasured
protected by a fiery sword

"Jar of Hearts"

I'd like to share song lyrics from a song by Christina Perri. Its called "Jar of Hearts."

These lyrics pull me back to the summer after high school. It captures what I had with him then. constant contact & then drift apart.  makes me smile to think he once told me we were 'soul mates.' 'no matter what.' never Good enough for each other from either of our eyes. everything seemed so intense back then. A smile crosses my face.

its all you truly have to live for. Its before you move away for college, before the big 'career' seeking days. Living every day like its your last chance.
 
what do you do when you know 'he' was right? you live life knowing someone cared about you that much. completely. and pulled insane stunts just to see each other only for a few short minutes. the air left the room around him. it was an amazing chapter in my life.

Why tell the story? Because its a way for me to describe and share where a song takes a person. When you let yourself allow the lyrics to sink in, to resonate. Where do you find yourself? What moment is it?

Is it the most painful moment forever seared in our skin? Is it the butterflies that come fluttering back as you think of the first kiss? The way you remember "him," how he'd do certain things only for you. Singing you his favorite song after he taught you how to drive his car.........


I listen to music all the time. For me I have found it helps me capture memories. Helps them stick. I love that about music and how our mind works.

Finally - to the song lyrics if you haven't already been there 



    

 through the looking glass of time & space what reveals itself?
another version of myself...one who split off to explore the other option
where the crossroads of life challenge us to choose
in the other timelines is she happier?
is she not as strong? 
my imagination spins the story lines
an elaborate web woven of all the possibilities
all the past lives, the knowledge & experiences
so close to draw from
only need to crossover to the proper thread
which will carry you to the plain...
where what you require is in a gentle slumber
awaken it and assimilate
gain knowledge while letting go
the impenetrable walls no longer needed.
the battle waged shown a worthy warrior victorious
the terrifying cliff edge each must step off
requires a relinquishment of all fears
embracing trust in self
taking the blind leap of faith...
stepping forward, braced for the free fall
who knows who we are until we're faced with a challenger

blending universes

it seems like only yesterday I was picking my bike back up after I wiped out. because I just had to try the jump....I gently trace my fingers over the scar I still feel on my elbow.

a time when all of us would drag our sleds up the hill...to get to our personalized trails. one i'll never forget...it had a fork in it...and i had a sad long red sled...no steering........none. you know how they show cartoon characters? both arms & legs shot forward effectively rapping the character around the tree. well...that was me.

i think of other days, when the ground was hot lava. & we never dare touch the ground. for fear of the lava monster. because of course...this meant YOU became one if they got to you. your only hope was to get off the ground before they got to you. never fun when you were 'it' to stay on the ground right away.

laying in the grass, staring up at the sky...making shapes reveal themselves as i stared. crawling onto the sun warmed sidewalk. warming up after the chill of the pool water sinks in. perfectly sunkissed. bliss.

the wonderous lands i discovered behind the 'great rock' - a magical place. where escape could be found out the back corner of the fence. then the kingdom was mine for exploring. all of the rolling, tumbling lands before my feet. freedom.

building fortresses impenetrable by any of the wretched young brothers gang....but i had pledge to my lady & defend her i must.

petting a unicorn along the banks of a river. mossy soft grass under our feet. a soft whinny and nuzzles at my fingertips. waking me up to reality. this time restored. gratitude.

able to take on all of it. because the magic is in where i can take myself in order to forever banish it away. out of my kingdom. i am....

Michelle by the Beatles

Its been so so soooooo long, since I heard this sang to me.....especially the way my dad did. I used to hate it....but of course now miss it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0qcqig2YnQ

Coyotes Dream 4/5/2012

Imaginations Taking Form.
Another avenue for my creativity is out there for your perusing...
www.etsy.com/shop/mlaumann?ref=si_shop

I wrote this a bit ago - teasing about what my shop would be...

the melodic notes drift along the rift
carrying with it inspirations
enchanting in my mind the perfect combinations
or proper pairing to flatter the piece
unusual, unique, understated.
as a singled selection
or complete a trinity
sometimes with deeper meaning
or just a playful dance in color
experiment in combinations
in collaborations
new and old
following themes
or setting trends
through the coyote dreams
the possibilities are endless.

Kazanova....Kaz

to my loving boy, Kaz.

My little Casanova
From Cazenovia
You stole my heart
As you romped through the snow
Playing with your friend
a fellow pound puppy
I couldn't wait to get home
And as we drove I passed the little town's sign
Which inspired your name.
Kaz, my little fuzz butt.
You were always so sweet
So loving, so vocal
Telling me all about it if I'd been away too long
The way you'd sit in front of me
With your back facing me
Tilting your head back to look at me
It was my favorite thing you'd do
Seemed silly at first...
But then it became the thing I'd hope to see
It was so hard to leave you behind
But I needed you to guard her
And I feel you knew that was your duty
You did it so well.
I love you.

On our last day together
You were in such distress
So I sat with you, talking to you.
Trying to ease your pain
I laid with you
Kept my hand on you...
And finally you found peace
and calm
and slept
I brought you rest as I laid with you
I'm so pleased to have eased you at all
I am so sorry for the pain.
I hope now you're running fast
Playing with Starsky, Chipper and the rest
Because you see
All dogs go to heaven.
So, Big Guy, see how my little angel really is
Now that his scars are gone.
He so loving, you'll see. 
I will forever remember him,
my little lion.
  

a Girl's Tears - 1997

This is another piece I wrote when I was 17. Its another emotionally raw excerpt. And I carry the same sentiment about this as I do with the other post of "a Girl's Tears - 1996."

This again comes from words being used in a way so unfair. i never will understand why the path carried on as it did. but i have the strength with me to this day to carry me through regardless.

______________________________________

2-18-1997

i can't stand to be here
all we do is fight
i can't stand the sight of you
you make me sick
all you do is bitch
i do what you ask
its never enough
i do all the extras
and you can't notice
i stay up at night
because i can't sleep
until exhaustion sets in
i cry until dawn
you look at me with disgust
I'll go about my business
try & stay out of your way
not aggravating the situation
to make the next day bearable
i walk on pins and needles
careful, ever careful.
if you should break
i'll run so fast
you love to see me in pain
why do you do this?
your eyes pierce my soul
you look at me with such vengeance
i ask you why
a tear drops from my eye
you caused me such pain
you don't even care
continuing to speak in vain
slinging blame on everyone else
tell me i'm no good
i stand up to you this once
i know that i should
i can't believe i'm taking the chance
to stand against you
my ultimate fear
is being revealed before my very eyes
another tear, then another
you come at me
with the only intent of hurt
i quickly regret
i've turned you against me
i need to run
but can't
frozen in the moment
never should feel this way
not when I just want to make you happy
to please you
to make you proud
but you're jealous of me

why?

caught in the midst of a world following your rules
your  universe that i've somehow tainted
too much weight placed on me
for things i don't comprehend nor understand
egg shells crunch beneath my feet
i will continue to try
to make you see me
for who i am
for who i want to be
someday you'll claim the victory
of all my accomplishments
stating it was all you
but i know in my very soul
it was all me
forced into adulthood
hiding away the youthful fancy
so you cannot break me.
   

fading image.

written in September 2003.

__________________________________________

As the image of you begins to fade
I struggle to hear your voice true
To see your smile as it was before
To hear your laughter along with mine
The ability to seek your guidance
Has been taken from me.
To know you'll be there for me to cry on
To know you won't be able to hold me when I'm scared
Or give me the extra shove when I'm dragging along.
Yet you are here
You're all around me
Only, sometimes thats just not enough.
Selfishness does no good
Yet I can't help but feel this way
Even though you can't be here physically
You're still ever so present
You've become a legend of sorts
Forever kept alive through our words,
our stories,
our love.
 

an example

The weakest minds
     make for the bravest fools
             who are forever fearless.
The strongest will
      carries through any obstacle
             determined to finish each task.
The largest heart
      gives ability to endure it all
              leaves room to help those who cannot.
A loving soul
      opens the eyes to appreciate the little things
              helping others to do the same.
With an intelligent mind, heart & soul,
      you've gotten through it all.
You are so strong
      so brave
              so loving.
I feel lucky to have known you.
      What an example you've set for all.
   

could be all or none

whats it like when you're on fire.
when you can't find relief.
like there is no air at all.
you can't breathe.
its gone.
the intensity renders you speechless.
your mind goes numb.
incapable of rational thought.

as the buzz in your head fades over time
what remains is only a memory
but a memory of what?

lust?
love?
hate?
fear?
anger?

it could be all or none.
  

words v1.0

dream

nightmare

dreamscape

landscape

wordscape

words crammed on a line.

jumbled together in prose

clumsily falling out of our mouths

each given its life

its own personality

wandering constantly in my mind

melodic rhythms of consonants

along the way forming patterns

forming a path through my mind

like a river of ideas

constantly flowing

traveling through...forming branches

side streams

leaving their touch

spreading their roots

planting seeds

of truth.

some may mature into beautiful meadows

others into a densely wooded forest

some will cut

slice away a piece of you

taking with it a trophy

forever seared in mind

others will never see the light

for they are withheld

out of fear

out of love

some words may find their way

through the darkened cave

where the soft light

of what used to be

remains hidden.

protected.

it was placed there for safe keeping

its such a very special piece

the place where the world stopped

where not a single word will be found

because it cannot be described with words

it cannot be defined

whats left when words wield their damage

 you want to say hollow, but that's not it.

so completely heavy & dense,

a million pounds of pressure

in the bottom of the abyss.

but none of it captures it.

instead it must be dispersed

allowed to flow within the river

carried along as it makes the circuit

dancing through memories

experiencing the emotion

remembering the smells

the textures

the sounds of voices

saying words. 

  forever easing the weight of words.

Coyotes Dream

the melodic notes drift along the rift
carrying with it inspirations
enchanting in my mind the perfect combinations
or proper pairing to flatter the piece
unusual, unique, understated.
as a singled selection
or complete a trinity
sometimes with deeper meaning
or just a playful dance in color
experiment in combinations
in collaborations
new and old
following themes
or setting trends
through the coyote dreams
the possibilities are endless.

see the light

astonishingly embarrassed
beyond words
speech has left the building
& is laughing hysterically
from the outside looking in
seriously.
all there is to know is yeah,
it really did happen.
stomach churning.
never fails

nerves rule.
little bastards.

can't think straight
and should be fine by now
this is different
all that mumbo jumbo
couldn't be
won't be
right?

seriously its shocking
how nerves come knocking
sending us into a fit
losing trust when its legit
still have hope
want more than to cope
everything shifts
onto a new melodic rift
wondering how to proceed
when direction is all you need
instead fall in shadow
stepping back from the light
choosing to be shallow
and melt into the night
never ready to give anymore
because its a chore

life decides when paths change.
fingers decide to deceive
eyes tell all lies
baring them to the light
vulnerability fiercely guarded
when we've been broken-hearted

come on, see the light...

genuine friends

with a little one curled up on my lap. laughing and chatting with two very special women. the sun is setting, great music is accompanying this beautiful moment in time. as the stars come out and the crickets begin to sing they lullabies, the little one on my lap tells me about the angels she can see in the stars. how you can only see them through a special filter. in that moment, I realize, she believes in magical things. just as much as I do. and probably much more. she cuddles back in and listens to us talk. bundled in a blanket, staying cozy & warm.
its been so long since I've seen my friend laugh and look completely happy. i have missed your smile my friend. and your laughter. we both know how to completely let go and enjoy the moment. there are times we both hesitate or feel we must hold back. but i think slowly...ever slowly, we're finding the strength to let it be. because if someone can't handle it, then they aren't meant to be around us. you deserve someone who wants to know it all.
and my new friend...who really isn't so new. someone i feel i have known for years. your devotion to your music is intoxicating. to see & hear you place is magical. you have an air about you...a light comes through when you play. you have found love in an amazing man. you have accomplished so much but know exactly what it took to get there. you appreciate so much and more humble than I could've imagined. you have a grace about you, a peaceful and calm spirit. I can't wait to see the magical time with your name in lights. your ease and confidence make it hard not to be around. your sisters are fortunate to have your example at home for however long it can last.
I am thankful for genuine friends.
  

waking from slumber

waking up to a new day. opening the eyes as the rest of my body stretches out to release the slumber. let out a little squeak in relief because its exactly what I needed. as I begin to relax again I curl back up into the covers. enjoying the quiet moment before the day begins. breathe in the light scent of laundry still present in the sheets. as I roll over, I can hear the birds singing their chorus as the frogs carry their own melody to compliment. a breeze carries through the window smells of damp trees and earth. I take one last chance to curl into a spot still cool in the bed, letting out a soft whimper. the slumber has lifted and I am ready to accomplish what I need to today.
time to get up and enjoy every minute.

begin again

sometimes life has a different plan
has something unexpected ready to throw at you
when you thought you were already facing the larger issue
being ripped to shreds by an child trapped in someone else's shell
at the time, the stress was deemed the worst
only to round a corner to be blindsided
petty.
and I just don't care.
shocking outcome of feelings in response
but for everything I bring to the table, if its not enough.
whatever.
time for a fresh start
an opportunity to reinvent myself
to stay or go
to start over or begin again in same path
all the possibilities
passion.
creative outlets I've ignored for so long will finally have proper light
feeling so restricted & controlled is finally lifted
relief.
  

the lighthouse

standing in the sand
wiggling toes to sink in
ankles gently caressed by the rolling surf
salty brine kissed on the lips
the breeze carrying with it nights' air
bringing a calm over the dunes
turn towards the cliffs
looking up to the looping light
pick up the sandals
begin the climb up the stairs
taking your time
enjoying the seagulls call
circling around in a flutter
at last the top of the stairs is reached
the stiff tall grass greets you
walk through it along the narrow path
letting fingers drag across the tops
take in the wafts of a fire
coming from within the looping lights home
step over the threshold
into the room warmed by the wood stove
there on the table a cup waits
for the hot cocoa warming on the stove
with the soft smells of chocolate
warming the palms of your hands
you begin to climb the steps
reaching the top to our spot
where we sit just under the looping light
and gaze out onto the endless ocean
from our slice of paradise...
the lighthouse
 

patience

patience is a virtue
or at least thats how the saying goes
what is patience called
when its a way of being
a way of life
a state of being always in demand
when you don't have a choice
but to be patient for the ones you love
no matter what may come
because they're family
they've always been there for you
they raised you to be the person you are
if this is true
then where is return of said patience
why is it never given in kind
was all of it inherited
leaving nothing for themselves
instead a sense of entitlement
for countless wrongs
recited for your listening pleasure
again and again
never held accountable
facts always twisted just so
throwing blame on everything else
on anyone else
but most of the time,
blame is on my shoulders alone
the weight of it is there
always has been
seems it always will be
for every improvement made
in a single sentence the weight comes back
awful dead weight
along with the weight
comes patience
like a gift
relief after the hurricane
i accept patience as one of my gifts.
for without it....
who knows how things would unfold.

the neverending story

Imagination comes from all directions
Whether from within or external
Whether from written word or visual
Still open for interpretation
Analyzed and weighed constantly
Backed in a corner
Continue to fight
Continue to try
Continue to prove
Must achieve the mission
For the greater good
Remove self from the equation
Go through the trials
Presented at each of the three gates
Answer a riddle at the first
Demonstrate confidence in self
Look into the mirror at the second
Face the absolute truest nature of self
A keyless door stands as the third
Only by forgetting everything
And losing desire to open it
Will it finally stand open to its challenger
Cannot take too long
Or Gmork will catch up
Consume the warrior
Unacceptable
The mission cannot fail
Or all of imagination's home
Will break apart and drift
Lost to the sands of time

fallen tree

Empty. Hollow. Broken.

The trunk extends along the forest floor

pieces crumbling away

Nests being built in the hollows

branches broken off, laying nearby

Decay.

Bringing new life through slow disintegration

Transforming within nature's home

Smells of earth and moss

Morning dew lightly glossed the leaves

The tree continues to give

Providing shelter and safe haven

To its new residents

Those who fly no longer have need

For the fallen tree

Its moving day for all four legged friends

 

you are not here
you never are
you haven't been for a long time
and you never will be again
yet...
after every triumph,
every heartbreak,
every joy,
every time it all falls down,
i want you to be there
to talk to
to be there for me
after so many years
you think it would stop
you think you'd learn
that you can't
but no
i still want your advice
i still want your reassurance
because you were the only one
never to lie to me
never to leave me holding my heart
still beating in my hand.
you stood back
ready to step in
to guide without my knowledge
and if i tripped
if i stumbled
if i veered off-path
you helped me out
brought me back
righted my ship
someday i'll remember
for now...
its a welcome escape
to memories...
but as i stand,
in the ruins of my own making
i find the cycle begin again
 
 

snow fall

nothing like a little wisconsin winter weather to help remove a bit of the writer's block :o)

___________________________

such a beautiful night...

watching the snow fall. 

mother nature is dusting the canvas with fresh snow

like twinkling lights falling from the heavens

caught up in the moment

feeling like a child again

standing out in it

catching flakes on your tongue

feel the cool kiss

before it melts away

arms spread open

letting yourself fall backward

onto the snowy blanket

begin forming a snow angel 

gazing up at the clouds

painted across the troposphere

barely seen in the night sky

breath in the crisp winter air

feel the chill begin to set in

time to enjoy the winterland

from a new view

wrapped in a warm, comfy blanket

in front of a crackling fire

warming your hands with hot cocoa

smelling its chocolatey aroma

watching the snow fall

from another perspective

     

helping hands

hollow inside
nothing is left
I can't seem to grasp just whats happened
then I hear it...
the rhythm of a heart beat
eyes searching to find the source
gazing down at your hands
i see cradled within them
the heart whose rhythm is so familiar
reflex draws my hand to my chest
feeling no sensation
no gentle pulse coming thru
instinct tells me whose heart it is
recognition sets in
begin looking for familiar scars
as the reveal continues...
see the sutured pieces held together
with layers of stitched wounds
each with its story
each with its lesson
the pocks and holes showing what couldn't heal
the vacancy echoing the brutality
realize what purpose you've selected
begin acceptance of the helping hands
I will allow them to provide protection or relief
slowly lower my guard
seeing a willingness to do what so few have
realizing....finally...
I have one in my corner
feeling confidence
knowing I have those helping hands
assisting in the protection of my resource
buried within the battle torn heart
is the key to unlocking what was sacrificed
in order to cope
it was such a huge cost when I made the deal
but it was the only option
when facing my world falling apart.
ready to unlock the secret
I chose to stifle
but is it too late?
its not over at all.
not when I have helping hands
helping me realize its okay to expose the wounds
to allow the secret its freedom
and give creativity its right to flow again.
  

speechless...

cracks forming everywhere around
it begins to give way
ready to release from the weight of it
erupting slivers of agony
cascading teardrops searing the flesh
the foundation is broken
melting into oblivion
the rock to ground you
in this realm is gone.
questioning many things
feeling shredded
knowing things will never be the same.
defiant to find clarity
demanding to find reason
to justify what cannot be undone

speechless.
  
___________________

I wrote this to verbalize what I felt today when I learned about the loss of a family member. I hope these words can reach you sweetheart, I can't imagine what this is like.
I love you...and miss you...
        

a glimpse

close my eyes
deep breath in

wafts of pine in the air
forest floor under my toes
i hear the soft caw of the owl
a breeze rustles through the trees
bringing chills
followed by a smile
your arms close around my waist
as i feel your kiss against my neck
you come around before me
and pull me close
i snuggle into your arms

this is home.
a safe haven.
my thoughts drift
and there you are

standing before me
you smile
as i realize...
you're worth it....
  

Master of Your Universe

Standing on the cold metallic deck
Gazing out to the endless horizon
No land in site
Not even an island
Set off on a voyage
Uncharted
Free to experience whatever arises
Fully aware
Lending a hand to those who will join me
Bringing them into safe haven
The warmth of the sun kisses away the cool morning
Bringing forth a breeze to warm you
Solitude is granted whenever desired
Comfort in numbers ready in wait
Which weapon will be chosen to do the job today?
For defeating yet another foe
Waging war against those pieces that no longer define you
Cultivating the new path unfolding before you
The possibilities are endless
You are the master of your own universe
Wage war
Win battles
Regain strength
Retain knowledge
Free yourself
Feel whole again
Draw on any resources you desire
Or none at all
Ultimately you know whats best for you.
You are the keeper
The one which holds the key
You may have more than one key
But those to whom you bestow this key
Carry with it a message of absolutes
Truth...
Trust...
A foundation no friendship will crumble from...
  

pinky-swear

a conversation occurs that you never expect to happen. but it has. after the assault of all the defenses flying around. She's finally stopped & she's assured, no one is asking for explanation and she's not being judged. Just be happy & the means shall be respected. She said things which were hard to hear, like discussing the estate. How she's fed up with being told what to do by the Doctors. Shuddering as she described her plan to pacify the Doctors for her upcoming surgery. Making us promise not to reveal. It never will be. All things considered, its strangely okay.
the next words out of her mouth reminded of genuine things she can say from time to time. she gave thanks and expressed how much its meant to her to have someone at her side.
  

sick is the pits

my mind adrift
with medicine bliss
thoughts are swimming
what was I getting again?
hmmm...

please no more coughing
gremlins shredding my throat
helping the glob mob settle in
osmosis jones, help a sista out
please...

every muscle aching
pulled & strained
from all the ripping spasms
from each unexpected cough
ugh...

ready for the valiant warrior
to ride in on his steed
release me from medicine head
and restore order again
word.
  

Your Tree

Standing tall before you
Extending high above sharing its beauty
The warm hues of autumn
Illuminated by the sun beyond
Raining golden beams of light across the skin
Feeling warmed, the smile forming
Breathe deep in
Smell the kiss of ember red leaves in the air
Raise your arms to mimic her beauty
Feel closer to her then before
Bask in her beauty
She's happy to share it with you
Follow her many branches from the outside inward
As each branch represents a pearl of wisdom
It all comes together in one magnificent trunk
Having bared witness to the sands of time
Giving home to generations of animals
She is home
An island amidst the acres
Solitary and strong
Listen to the rustle of the leaves
Enjoy the gift of your tree

________________________

the tree I pictured while writing this was an oak tree....what would have been yours?